So we search for answers to our questions
Looking for answers
No answers but were taught a lesson everytime
Through mistakes we've learned to gather wisdom
Life's responsibility falls in our hands
Keep on learning
Keep on growing
Cause wisdom helps us understand
We're maturing
Without knowing
These are the things that change boys to men...........
February 14th, 1992 - Would change my life forever and mark the day when the synergy of music and my life would come together in an uncanny way...
In the fall of 1991...I started my first semester as a freshman at a HBCU majoring in Mathematics and Electrical Engineering. It was here...during this experience that I met "D"....for the sake of my journal...I'll call her Delta.
Delta and I were both engineering students....with her dicipline being architechtural engineering. Over the first few months we grew to be extremely close friends. Although I dated various young ladies on campus...as time went on...I would start to pair then down and focus on Delta.
Delta spent many days walking around campus together and exployering what Atlanta had to offer. It was with her that my college experience can't be spoke of without the inclusion of her.
Christmas break came and as usual kids were talking about how they were going to get back home to visit family and friends. Delta, her roommate Keisha and I were all from Chicago and decided to drive back together.
December 25th, 1993
After dinner at Delta's house and getting to know her family, Delta and I crep off to another room to watch a movie...I don't really remember the name of it...but that's not important here. After about an hour...Delta...while leaning back in her arms...still watching the movie...whispered in my ear, "Will you go with me?" eeeeewwwwwwww....actually typing that out feels so funny! "Will you go with me.."....LoL...ROTF
But...Anyway!
I said yes...and it was on! Although...it's funny. I can't remember any other woman in my past who has actually made the first move...hmmmm.....
Now...this is where times/dates become funny. As soon as we returned to school from Christmas break we found out that Delta was pregnant by me. Yeah...well....we had been doing the due!...before we were going together. Remember...I did say that I had started focusing in on her...LoL....
Now...she's having a baby! Uggg...this was the last thing that I had ever wanted to happen. You grow up thinking that..."Hey...I use a rubber (yeah...I said rubber....we didn't say condoms them!)...and she's not going to get pregnant."....
Yeah...Ok....DA HELL!!!
They don't tell you about rubbers breaking and stuff! You folks. The only sure fire birth control is to abstain from sex. PERIOD
Well...the next few weeks werent that pretty at all. Delta's mother found out she was pregnant and she didn't like it at all. It was a really bad time in Delta's life. Her mother told her that if she had the baby...she was going to pull her funding for school. Now...a decision had to be made.
I remember Delta looking to me for guidence...an assurance...with such love and hurt in her eyes all at the same time. This girl of 19 had such a love for me...a ferverant spirit for me that it truly overwelmed me. I had been with different girls in high school that said they were in love with me and me with them...but none like this. It was like those were all practice games and this was the real deal.
Delta was ready to go all the way with me. Ready to live in Atlanta...get a house...and start a small family. She was ready to work...find grants...loans and whatever needed to be done...so that we could be together and have this baby. Me...I wasn't at that point yet.
I had so much nervious tention in my mind that it was crazy. I didn't know what to do or to say. All I could think about is what my mom would say. What would my dad say...my godfather....
My mind started racing thinking about all the things I would miss out on. What those things were? I didn't know. But the fear of losing the unknown gripped me. But...being the boy that I was...not believing in abortions because my church back home taught against it...I decided to take a neutral stance on the issue. You know....a safe place between what God wanted and what I wanted. (yeah...ok...that's what I thought I was doing)
The next day I went down to Delta's dorm and told her...with such a profound voice and arrogance "Baby...I with you! No matter what you want to do...I with you. If you want to have this baby...then we'll figure out how to make it happen and we'll survive. If you don't want to have this baby...then we won't...and I'm still here for you!" When I look back on that statement...it makes me question Delta's intelligence because...she should have knocked me all upside my head! But she didn't.
Nuff Said...have work to do now.
Looking for answers
No answers but were taught a lesson everytime
Through mistakes we've learned to gather wisdom
Life's responsibility falls in our hands
Keep on learning
Keep on growing
Cause wisdom helps us understand
We're maturing
Without knowing
These are the things that change boys to men...........
February 14th, 1992 - Would change my life forever and mark the day when the synergy of music and my life would come together in an uncanny way...
In the fall of 1991...I started my first semester as a freshman at a HBCU majoring in Mathematics and Electrical Engineering. It was here...during this experience that I met "D"....for the sake of my journal...I'll call her Delta.
Delta and I were both engineering students....with her dicipline being architechtural engineering. Over the first few months we grew to be extremely close friends. Although I dated various young ladies on campus...as time went on...I would start to pair then down and focus on Delta.
Delta spent many days walking around campus together and exployering what Atlanta had to offer. It was with her that my college experience can't be spoke of without the inclusion of her.
Christmas break came and as usual kids were talking about how they were going to get back home to visit family and friends. Delta, her roommate Keisha and I were all from Chicago and decided to drive back together.
December 25th, 1993
After dinner at Delta's house and getting to know her family, Delta and I crep off to another room to watch a movie...I don't really remember the name of it...but that's not important here. After about an hour...Delta...while leaning back in her arms...still watching the movie...whispered in my ear, "Will you go with me?" eeeeewwwwwwww....actually typing that out feels so funny! "Will you go with me.."....LoL...ROTF
But...Anyway!
I said yes...and it was on! Although...it's funny. I can't remember any other woman in my past who has actually made the first move...hmmmm.....
Now...this is where times/dates become funny. As soon as we returned to school from Christmas break we found out that Delta was pregnant by me. Yeah...well....we had been doing the due!...before we were going together. Remember...I did say that I had started focusing in on her...LoL....
Now...she's having a baby! Uggg...this was the last thing that I had ever wanted to happen. You grow up thinking that..."Hey...I use a rubber (yeah...I said rubber....we didn't say condoms them!)...and she's not going to get pregnant."....
Yeah...Ok....DA HELL!!!
They don't tell you about rubbers breaking and stuff! You folks. The only sure fire birth control is to abstain from sex. PERIOD
Well...the next few weeks werent that pretty at all. Delta's mother found out she was pregnant and she didn't like it at all. It was a really bad time in Delta's life. Her mother told her that if she had the baby...she was going to pull her funding for school. Now...a decision had to be made.
I remember Delta looking to me for guidence...an assurance...with such love and hurt in her eyes all at the same time. This girl of 19 had such a love for me...a ferverant spirit for me that it truly overwelmed me. I had been with different girls in high school that said they were in love with me and me with them...but none like this. It was like those were all practice games and this was the real deal.
Delta was ready to go all the way with me. Ready to live in Atlanta...get a house...and start a small family. She was ready to work...find grants...loans and whatever needed to be done...so that we could be together and have this baby. Me...I wasn't at that point yet.
I had so much nervious tention in my mind that it was crazy. I didn't know what to do or to say. All I could think about is what my mom would say. What would my dad say...my godfather....
My mind started racing thinking about all the things I would miss out on. What those things were? I didn't know. But the fear of losing the unknown gripped me. But...being the boy that I was...not believing in abortions because my church back home taught against it...I decided to take a neutral stance on the issue. You know....a safe place between what God wanted and what I wanted. (yeah...ok...that's what I thought I was doing)
The next day I went down to Delta's dorm and told her...with such a profound voice and arrogance "Baby...I with you! No matter what you want to do...I with you. If you want to have this baby...then we'll figure out how to make it happen and we'll survive. If you don't want to have this baby...then we won't...and I'm still here for you!" When I look back on that statement...it makes me question Delta's intelligence because...she should have knocked me all upside my head! But she didn't.
Nuff Said...have work to do now.
