Violent
nightmares. Visions. Pain. Guilt. The unending feeling of loss.
Uggg...all from the loss of my child. This unborn baby who looked like
me. More than likely would have come out as pale as all get out!
Hmm...you should see my baby pictures...and it's funny how all the
children in our family are born on the lighter side 'black'....
Oh...sorry...did I ruin what you thought? Oh...you thought I was Rican? Nope...sorry....Black Baby!!!.....but....on with my story.
A few things were happening. What I thought was reality...was middle of the rode....was ....'ok'....was all wrong! You see....I thought that by not making a decision about having/not having this child....that I was 'ok' in the eyes of God and it felt pretty good in my soul/spirit to take this postion. Actually...it was my flesh that felt pretty good (that's a spiritual statement). I knew that abortions were wrong.....but I had it in my mind that if I didn't make the final decision then I wouldn't be held responsible for that life/no-line....
The truth really is...really really is...that I was a punk! I was the young kid that had it pretty easy most of his life. I had some heartache (story about Dad another day)....but when it came to women I had a pretty good success rate at having good relationships with some pretty good women. The truth is that I wasn't prepared for this!
I thought I was being a man. Be 'responsible' to moral laws by not making a decision. What I actually did is let the women who I loved carry a huge weight upon her shoulders. I was there when it came time for the get down. Time for sex. Time to bust that nut!!!...but upon seeing the bi-product from those actions...I punked out. Delta was left to make a decision that would change her life and her outlook on it...by herself. The man who she thought loved her...would be there for her...was just proven to be...still a boy.
The nightmares...the realization of just how far I still had to go...was more than I could take. But...in that woman...Delta...she loved me. She encouraged me 2 grow...to learn...and helped me get over those nightmares.
Hmm....it's funny. She had to be strong for me...and then taught me how to be strong for her!
Oh...sorry...did I ruin what you thought? Oh...you thought I was Rican? Nope...sorry....Black Baby!!!.....but....on with my story.
A few things were happening. What I thought was reality...was middle of the rode....was ....'ok'....was all wrong! You see....I thought that by not making a decision about having/not having this child....that I was 'ok' in the eyes of God and it felt pretty good in my soul/spirit to take this postion. Actually...it was my flesh that felt pretty good (that's a spiritual statement). I knew that abortions were wrong.....but I had it in my mind that if I didn't make the final decision then I wouldn't be held responsible for that life/no-line....
The truth really is...really really is...that I was a punk! I was the young kid that had it pretty easy most of his life. I had some heartache (story about Dad another day)....but when it came to women I had a pretty good success rate at having good relationships with some pretty good women. The truth is that I wasn't prepared for this!
I thought I was being a man. Be 'responsible' to moral laws by not making a decision. What I actually did is let the women who I loved carry a huge weight upon her shoulders. I was there when it came time for the get down. Time for sex. Time to bust that nut!!!...but upon seeing the bi-product from those actions...I punked out. Delta was left to make a decision that would change her life and her outlook on it...by herself. The man who she thought loved her...would be there for her...was just proven to be...still a boy.
The nightmares...the realization of just how far I still had to go...was more than I could take. But...in that woman...Delta...she loved me. She encouraged me 2 grow...to learn...and helped me get over those nightmares.
Hmm....it's funny. She had to be strong for me...and then taught me how to be strong for her!
